Do not worry then, saying, “What will we eat?” or “What will we drink?”‘ or “What will we wear for clothing?” For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:31-33
For the past few months I have worried endlessly about my family's finances. I am the budget planner in this family. I take mine and my husband's paychecks, budget the money, and pay the bills. I used to be alot better at this than I am here lately. Yesterday some still small voice told me to check my bank account online. When I logged on, my heart dropped and I felt my lunch rise to my throat. For the first time since I signed up for my very first bank account about 13 years ago I am overdrawn. Thankfully I just had my birthday celebration and received some money to take care of the charges and overdraft fees, but that leaves me with nothing until payday on Wednesday. My husband is out of money and I am too. Of course this situation led me to a state of panic and worry.
I started worrying about what we would eat until Wednesday, how we would handle it if we had an emergency and our child got sick or needed diapers or some other essential. I started to worry about gas money and lunch money and all the other monetary situations that are sure to arise in the next 3 days. I felt ashamed, because my financial priorities have become so skewed. I, like all other humans, want. I want to be able to go out and eat when I want to. I love cosmetics and find myself at Walgreens at least 5 times a month spending anywhere from $10 to $40 on lip gloss and nail polish and hair products and trinkets and toys for my child. I spend close to $100 every other month on my hair. I don't even have $100 worth of hair, people! I find myself mindlessly shopping on the internet, using credit cards to buy clothing and shoes when I have a closet full of clothing and shoes I hardly wear. I can go to some stores in which I have credit, and I don't even have to have a card. All they need is my license and social security number, and I can charge away. I am a compulsive shopper.
I am changing my ways. The Lord has convicted me of all of this excess spending of money I really do not have. I am getting rid of the credit cards (again). I have gone online to my favorite shopping sites and removed all credit information from my favorite stores. I can no longer just go on those sites, click a button, buy, and receive those fabulous packages in the mail. I have budgeted mine and my husband's money down to the last penny for the next month and will continue to do so until my debt is gone and we have enough money in our savings account if an emergency happens to arise. I have an accountability partner, sister in Christ, who is helping me budget my money and who will be checking on me and my credit card situation and spending. I have another sister in Christ who is going to be my prayer warrior as I embark on this journey of getting out of debt and reforming my priorities. This is going to be hard, because I have always been a spoiled little girl; a child of want and not so much need.
My bills are paid for this month, so our basic needs have been met, and thankfully we do only have 3 days until payday, and I can get back on track. Also, thankfully we do have jobs that we can go to and paychecks to receive. My husband and I are very blessed, and it is for this reason today I have joy and peace. After church service today, I realize that all the things that I want of this world are not worth losing my peace and seeing my bank account in the negative. I am praising God today, because we are blessed. We are rich compared to many people in this world. We have jobs, a home, cars, and food in the freezer. We have each other and love and Jesus in our hearts and in our home.
Now, I just have to let Him back into my checkbook.
Heavenly Father, Sustainer and Provider,
I ask for forgiveness for shutting you out of my finances. Help me to step out in faith again and give to you what is required. Help me be strong in the coming months as I struggle to get my family's finances back to where they are supposed to be. Help me prioritize and realize that the things that I want are not the things that I need. Re-program my thinking towards heavenly treasures and riches and not of the things of this world. Help me find a healthy balance. I pray for those less fortunate who are poverty stricken and have lives far worse that I could ever imagine. Help those who have shopping addictions and addictions to things and trinkets. I thank you and praise you for I know that you will supply all of my needs.
Amen
